The sun shines down and the wind blows from the east. It’s a perfect fall day full of wonderful memories that are in the midst of being made. I look at the girls that I have gotten to know for the past year and a half sitting at a table on the patio. The sweet sound of laughter fills my ears and warms my heart. Every girl in my house is so beautiful, so wonderful, and absolutely amazing. They are my gift from Jesus after years of prayer.

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I have lived in plenty of homes before this one. It’s been 13 different homes in 3 years time to be exact. I have heard the phrase “This is my house!” thrown in my face too many times to count.

I have seen yelling, abuse, anger, sadness, and misery.

I know what it feels like to live in virtually any situation you can think of.

I know what it is to be flat on your face, crying out to God and screaming, “Lord protect me! Please help me!” only to hear silence and feel empty…. I know what it is to be angry at the world and  towards my creator.

In my head are memories most people couldn’t even handle. Things that no one knows or will ever see.

I know what it is to be tormented by nightmares and flash backs of situations you just want to forget. I know what it is to fake a brave face so that everyone thinks your fine. I know what it is to not feel good enough, and unworthy.

I also know what it means to be free and that freedom is something my home has given me.

I never knew what a home was until I stepped through the doors of Saving Grace. Life had taught me that living in a home doesn’t mean that it’s your home. It only means that it’s the place you lay your head at night. So as I watched those beautiful girls on the patio I understood what the significance of a home was for the first time.

It’s a place full of memories and crazy conversations. It’s full of good times and encouragement. It’s a place where you can be yourself and let down your walls. It’s a  safe and protected area where no harm can be done. It’s a place to find freedom from the past and a place where you can put your focus on God.

Soon I will leave my house and become a wife. I thank God every day that at the age of 20, he gave me my first home, by bringing Saving Grace into my life. Although I am sad to leave, I am ready for the future that lies ahead. My past has taught me that  even in the scary moments God has my life in the palm of his hands.

I feel like I’m on top of a mountain. I have finally made it after a tough, and extremely long climb. As I look down I can see every struggle and I see God through it all. I can finally take a deep breath, because it’s okay. Through God I have made it.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of this new and completely unknown thing called “being a wife”. Sometimes I wonder if I am capable of  providing a home for my husband when I don’t fully understand what living in a stable home means. There is one thing I hold close to my heart:

Home is where the healing is, and God is the ultimate healer.