On August 28, 2017 after 16 hours of labor and an epidural that decided to stop working towards the end, we welcomed our precious little girl Eula Ellen Myers into the world at 9:03pm. She was born exactly 3 years to the day that I got adopted and gained a family. The Lord is so good. Our chunky monkey weighed in at 9 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches tall.
Two days into parenthood our little girl was up all night not feeling well. She cried for hours and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I’ve been through a lot of pain both physically and emotionally. I’ve walked a dark road full of abuse with a pain in my heart that I don’t even know how describe. I have memories in my head that are full of suffering and agony. I thought that I had learned how to handle any pain thrown at me.
As I held my precious baby girl in my arms and rocked her as she cried, my heart hurt in a way I didn’t know was ever possible. With tears streaming down my face, I kissed her chunky cheek and whispered into her ear, “I’m so sorry Eula. I love you so much.” I prayed hard that the Lord would help my little Ellie feel better. I learned in that moment that nothing is more painful than watching your child suffer.
Thankfully, the next morning was better. Ellie’s tummy wasn’t upset and she slept peacefully in my arms. As I watched her beautiful eyes flutter in and out of sleep, I realized something that will forever bring peace to my heart when my past tries to come back and haunt me. The pain I experienced while watching my little girl suffer was the same pain God felt when He watched me suffer growing up.
I looked at my little girls fingers and toes. I gently kissed her little head and thought about the miracle God created inside my womb. She’s a gift I’ve been given and I’m so blessed to be her momma. I thought about all that she’s going to get to do and the amazing family she’s surrounded with.
I thought about what she’s not going to have to experience. She will never go without love and will always be raised to follow the Lord. She has an amazing daddy that she has wrapped around her finger and an adopted family to look up to. Her daddy’s family loves her so much and are such great example’s too. God has given her a new legacy. She will never have to walk the road I walked. There will be so many new experiences we get to do together. Trips to the zoo, family vacations, and maybe we will get to take our first trip to disney land together one day.
This won’t be the only time I will watch my child suffer. She’s got her own heart, body, and mind that I can guide in the right direction but in the end, she will make her own choices. She will get sick and she will get scrapes. She will fall down hard but I will raise her to get back up and keep trying.
I didn’t realize just how much my pain hurt God until I experienced it myself. Somehow, that realization makes me feel a lot better… When I was going through abuse and hardship I had always told myself that I wasn’t alone but now that I’m a parent, I actually believe it.
~ Lovelle ❤