Category Archives: Marriage and Family

#MomFails Don’t Disqualify Me

HeIsStrong

{These graphics are free for you to enjoy}

 

It’s 4 in the morning and there is no hiding the bags under my eyes. After dealing with a child that was screaming her head off all night I just couldn’t take it anymore. In fact, her screaming was about to cause me to scream.

I was  angry because I couldn’t understand her needs. I was upset because I felt like I just wasn’t cut out for this whole mom gig. I felt guilty because in that moment, I was wondering if there was a return policy…

It didn’t matter how many times I googled, “reasons a one week old cries” I couldn’t seem to find an answer that would help my daughter calm down. So… I gave up. I promptly laid my child down in her crib, turned on the video monitor while making sure it was on mute, closed the nursery door, and went to our bedroom to wake up my husband. “I just can’t do it” I told him as I shook him awake. “You deal with it.”

He got up and went to console our daughter who was screaming bloody murder at this point and he closed the bedroom door. I covered my ears because I just couldn’t take the crying anymore. The moment I heard that door click I just lost it. I screamed into my pillow and cried about as much as my daughter was crying in the other room.

As I look back I can’t help but laugh. My poor husband woke up to not one, but two crying girls and let me just say, he handled it like a champ. In that moment though, there was absolutely no laughter involved. Just guilt because the adversary loves to hit us in our weak moments.

For some silly reason I thought that putting my daughter down meant that I had abandoned her. I associated seeking help with failure. I didn’t realize how quickly the adversary would fill my head with lies. I guess I thought there would be a week or 2 of peace before the battle??? I was wrong, completely naive, and not prepared at all.

In my weakness the Lord is strong (2 Cor. 12:9-10). As I step into motherhood this verse has a whole new meaning. I’m learning to look at my #momfails with grace.

  • Putting my 3 week old down while she’s screaming will not cause her to be emotionally scarred.
  • Accidentally hitting her head lightly on the faucet while attempting to put her in her bathtub is not abuse. It was an accident. She will be okay.
  • No, I am not my biological parents. My child is so loved and with God’s help, despite my many #momfails (and more to come), my child will turn out okay.

So… Where do I go from here? Well, I’ll start off by treating myself to a pumpkin spice latte since I’ve successfully kept my daughter alive for 3 and a half weeks. Those little successes in life matter too. Then I’ll keep holding on to God’s truth.

I’ll make sure to remember that in my weakness, the Lord is strong. When the Adversary tries to feed me lies, i’ll quiet my spirit and listen real close for God to whisper his truths deep into my heart. In your moments of failure my prayer is that you do the same.

~ Lovelle ❤

 

When The Struggle Is Real

burdens

{These graphics are free for you to enjoy}

The future I had so eloquently planned flashed before my eyes and dissolved in an instant as I looked at not one, but two pregnancy tests that had results I did not want. “This can not be happening.” I said to myself.

I looked up and saw my astonished husband with a hint of excitement in his eyes. The one dream he had treasured in his heart for a long time had come true. Not in the timing we thought but the big digital letters that spelled out PREGNANT couldn’t lie. Our life was about to change drastically.

I would love to sit here and tell you I was so excited about this news. I wish I could say I took it well, jumped up and down praising God for this gift not all women get the chance to experience but that would be a total lie.

When I entered this new season I came in kicking and screaming.  Graduate school, my crazy unrealistic idea of financial peace, and all the other dreams I had of working a job outside of the home were gone. They were replaced with the thought of staying home because babies aren’t cheep and momma’s need to take care of them. Like my amazing mother does for me, I knew that I had to accept putting my desires on hold to give this child the best life possible just like Jesus did when he died on the cross for me.

It’s surprising I know… I wasn’t happy that I was pregnant when I first found out. I was actually really ticked off. My face and my words couldn’t hide it. The fake, “thank you’s” when the news broke brought a lot of skeptical looks and not a lot of people knew how to respond. I got a bunch of, “I’m sorry. You are supposed to be happy’s” silence, and awkward stares.

The adversary tried his hardest to trap me with guilt. Children are a gift from the Lord right? I had seen first hand how hard it is on women to look at those negative pregnancy tests month after month and not be able to carry one of their own. I knew the pain my mom and dad felt while enduring 10 years of infertility. I knew first hand how it felt to not be wanted and here I was doing the same thing to our future child…

So here I am ten weeks later (a little more stable) and a lot more excited. We are gonna have a baby!!! I ALMOST believed the lie that my feelings made me a horrible person. As I spent time with Jesus He held me close, listened to my feelings without judgment, and spoke truth into my life. He also brought a few people who had been there to help me through this crazy process.

These lies right here are why I am writing this post. This is for the person going through a similar situation where your reaction isn’t resonating with society. This is for the child of God who never fully embraced how they REALLY felt Friend, I give you full permission and guess what??? So does Jesus.

Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
– Luke 22:42

Yes, our wonderful Savior who entered this earth; cried out to God because He wasn’t necessarily happy about the huge request that God was asking of him. God got him through his doubts and questions without judgement. He even did it for me, and He will do it for you too.

I grieved the future I so badly wanted. I cried out to God asking for help. With one test our future became so uncertain. I REALLY needed Him to change my heart and in time He did. He didn’t tell me that I was wrong or a horrible person. He sat there with me in my selfishness and unrealistic expectations, accepted my truthful feelings, and held me close.  My hope is that by reading this I can do that for you too…

It’s okay to not be happy about life hitting you like a ton of bricks. It’s perfectly normal to not have the “correct feelings”. When you embrace it, God can start working on your heart and draw you closer to Him. I promise, when you tell God how you REALLY FEEL, He WILL will be there to listen.

~ Lovelle ❤

Adoption and Marriage: Five Things I Have Learned in the Transition

season

{These graphics are free for you to enjoy on my “seeds to sow page! This photo was taken by Marina Bromley.}

A little over a year ago my life changed dramatically {in a good way}. I went from an extremely long season of being alone with no one to having amazing parents and a husband and it’s been quite the transition. I have had to learn a lot and I have had to take a step back and really acknowledge what’s important to me.

1.) It’s not about me:
I used to live a life dependent on myself which caused me to just think about what is best for me. Now that I am married, I have realized that one of the best things I can do for my husband is put him first and not expect anything in return. My husband is already amazing at that and this has really helped both of us transition {especially me} because selfless love is biblical and it creates a very happy and loving environment.

2.) I don’t have to simply survive anymore:
I got a phone call a while ago that put my stress level on high. My car had a couple recalls which meant it would need to spend a whole day in the shop. How am I supposed to get to work? If I don’t work I can’t pay the bills. If I can’t pay the bills then I will be homeless, carless, and hungry.

One look at my husband calmed me down. I realized I had switched to survival mode but I wasn’t alone anymore. I used to have to be dependent on my car and I used to have to fix problems myself but now I don’t because I have people that can help me and want to help me. What a relief!

3.) It’s all about the little things:
My mom surprised me with coffee at work on one of the longest and hardest days. It was a simple gesture but it meant the world. It’s little things like family dinners or my husband taking some time to help me clean the house. It reminds me that I have a team of people encouraging me. I may not see it sometimes but they truly believe that I am capable of success.

4.) Family comes first:
Before my husband and parents came into the picture I had a completely full schedule. Over full to be exact… I have learned that above all else, family comes first which means leaving my schedule open so that I can spend time with them. Things change and people will constantly come in and out of my life but my family remains and I need to cherish every moment I have with them.

5.) Normal is just a setting on the washing machine:
Coming from an unstable household really influenced what kind of environment I want.
1. No arguing in front of kids
2. No yelling.
3. We don’t fight, we discuss

The list goes on and on… One day my husband looked at me and said, “Lovelle, some of your expectations are kind of unrealistic.”

It turns out my past had haunted me so much that it caused me to become unrealistic about my expectations. No family is perfect. No home is perfect but that’s why Jesus came. He is full of grace and forgiveness that is abundant.

Our family is full of imperfect people but our God is better than that. As long as we put Him first then we will get through whatever trials come our way. Transitions are a part of life. I will gladly admit that I have a long way to go.

This year has certainly been hard but it is totally worth it. It’s through the trials that I learn and develop. I am so grateful for a patient and loving God who is with me every step of the way. What trials are you facing? What is God teaching you in this season of life?

~ Lovelle ❤