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There are days I feel like I am walking on a tight rope and I think I might just fall at any second. In 4 years my life has changed so much. I’ve skipped a social class and had to learn how to live life in a completely different way. Poverty and Middle Class are so different. There are so many unspoken things people don’t tell you.
I’ve also gone from being alone to having an adopted family as well as family I married into. I’ve had to learn to rely on and trust people. I had to come to the realization that accepting help doesn’t mean I am taking advantage, incapable, or weak.
Like a Chameleon, I’ve tried to blend into new family groups as if I’ve always been in them when I have no idea what “family” looks like and I feel like I just stand out.
I became a mom and had to learn to care of someone other than myself in a healthy way when I didn’t have anyone growing up who showed me what that looked like. I’ve had to learn nursery rhymes, bible songs, and baby talk. I’ve had to learn to trust, to be loved, and to live life day by day.
I’ve had to learn to stop preparing for any possible situation because I no longer have to worry about getting kicked out, being homeless, or having enough money to pay bills. No longer do I have to choose between having enough gas to get to school or feeding myself for the rest of the week.
I’ve had to re-train my brain to stop making plans for the “what if’s and I’ve had to learn to stop expecting the worst to happen because it won’t. I’m stable now and I have people around me that will help if something goes wrong.
I’m not on my own anymore. I’ve had to learn to accept help and to believe that I am wanted when I was told that I wasn’t for 20 years of my life.
*sigh*
That’s how I feel some days. I just have to take a deep breath and keep going. So much around me has changed and I’m not sure that I am keeping up. I feel overwhelmed and clueless. Like I’m not cut out for whats expected of me and I can’t ask for help because not very many people have walked in my shoes.
The one who calls me is faithful.
Whatever we are going through, learning, or having to re-learn. The one who calls us is faithful. If we fall off that tight rope He will catch us. We are called for such a time as this. To grow and to learn. To reap and to sow.
We have a divine purpose that is preparing us for those pearly gates. Whenever I lose hope or get discouraged I try to remember that. I don’t know what your story looks like. Maybe you moved to a new town or are in an unfamiliar season. Maybe you started a new job and are overwhelmed with having to adjust to your new “normal.”
The one who calls you is faithful. Our God is the initiator, sustainer, and finisher in the midst of our messy moments. You don’t have to be in control and you don’t need to know the outcome because the one who knit you in your mothers womb does.
~ Lovelle ❤
Lovelle Gerth-Myers 