Category Archives: Change

The One Who Calls Me Is Faithful

Faithful

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There are days I feel like I am walking on a tight rope and I think I might just fall at any second. In 4 years my life has changed so much. I’ve skipped a social class and had to learn how to live life in a completely different way. Poverty and Middle Class are so different. There are so many unspoken things people don’t tell you.

I’ve also gone from being alone to having an adopted family as well as family I married into. I’ve had to learn to rely on and trust people. I had to come to the realization that accepting help doesn’t mean I am taking advantage, incapable, or weak.

Like a Chameleon, I’ve tried to blend into new family groups as if I’ve always been in them when I have no idea what “family” looks like and I feel like I just stand out. 

I became a mom and had to learn to care of someone other than myself in a healthy way when I didn’t have anyone growing up who showed me what that looked like. I’ve had to learn nursery rhymes, bible songs, and baby talk. I’ve had to learn to trust, to be loved, and to live life day by day.

I’ve had to learn to stop preparing for any possible situation because I no longer have to worry about getting kicked out, being homeless, or having enough money to pay bills. No longer do I have to choose between having enough gas to get to school or feeding myself for the rest of the week.

I’ve had to re-train my brain to stop making plans for the “what if’s and I’ve had to learn to stop expecting the worst to happen because it won’t. I’m stable now and I have people around me that will help if something goes wrong.

I’m not on my own anymore. I’ve had to learn to accept help and to believe that I am wanted when I was told that I wasn’t for 20 years of my life.

*sigh*

That’s how I feel some days. I just have to take a deep breath and keep going. So much around me has changed and I’m not sure that I am keeping up. I feel overwhelmed and clueless. Like I’m not cut out for whats expected of me and I can’t ask for help because not very many people have walked in my shoes.

The one who calls me is faithful.

Whatever we are going through, learning, or having to re-learn. The one who calls us is faithful. If we fall off that tight rope He will catch us. We are called for such a time as this. To grow and to learn. To reap and to sow.

We have a divine purpose that is preparing us for those pearly gates. Whenever I lose hope or get discouraged I try to remember that. I don’t know what your story looks like. Maybe you moved to a new town or are in an unfamiliar season.  Maybe you started a new job and are overwhelmed with having to adjust to your new “normal.”

The one who calls you is faithful. Our God is the initiator, sustainer, and finisher in the midst of our messy moments. You don’t have to be in control and you don’t need to know the outcome because the one who knit you in your mothers womb does.

~ Lovelle ❤

 

What Does Your Race Look Like?

Race

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I get out of the car and walk to the entrance of the trail. This trail  used to bring me joy. Lately it’s caused, anger, frustration, and pain both literally and figuratively.

I guess you can say running was a hobby of mine. I practiced a lot and my body was used to long distances at a decent pace. I’d spent 3 years training my body and had worked really hard. I was finally content with the speed, distance, and pace I was able to do. I was even training for a marathon.

Then life happened… I found out I was pregnant and week later I found out that I needed foot surgery. After 3 years of practice running was officially off the table. When I say off the table I mean completely taken away from me. I couldn’t exercise at all due to pain in my foot.

I had my daughter 9 months later and 6 weeks after that I had the surgery to remove a nerve in my foot. Two months after the surgery  I FINALLY got the okay to run again. In total, I had gone about a year without running and boy was I in for a huge surprise.

The legs that used to be strong enough to carry me could barely make it half a mile. My lungs were screaming. My mind told me I could but my body seemed to be saying, “not happening.”  

This is life. You work really hard only to have huge set backs. You think to yourself, “why am I even trying” and are tempted to just give up. The adversary tries to fill our hearts with lies. We feel as if we aren’t capable or good enough.

We make excuses for why we shouldn’t even bother. We forget that falling down gives us endurance and allows us to withstand attacks from the enemy. Sometimes our race looks different. Theres a time to run really fast. There’s a time to jog and a time to walk. There’s a time for hills and a time for slopes.

It’s not just about the finish line. It’s about the lessons we learn as we run towards God. The struggles make us stronger and draw us closer to Him. So I am going to keep showing up and as I struggle I will ask God what He wants to teach me. Will you?

~ Lovelle.

God Knows The End Game

 

EndGame

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Then Moses went back to the Lord and protested, “Why have you brought all this trouble on your own people Lord? Why did you send me? Ever since I came to pharaoh as your spokesman, he has been even more brutal to your people and you have done nothing to rescue them!”

~ Exodus 6:22-23

The Lord and I have a very real relationship. At times we have screaming matches. When I say screaming matches I mean that I shake my fist up to heaven and yell in frustration because I don’t understand what the heck is going on. Not God, just me.

I am in a season of dryness. I read my bible and don’t feel filled. I feel like I am walking in a wilderness and at every turn theres a door that is slammed shut. Right behind the door is God and I just can’t seem to get to Him. The key doesn’t work and I am exhausted from banging on it trying to get to Him.

I want to act like a five year old, cross my arms, go sit in a corner and pout. At times, I actually do. As I was reading exodus I came across this conversation between Moses and God. Really, it was Moses getting real with God and not holding anything back. Oh, how we serve a patient God.

There are two things I noticed in this passage: The first is the word, “protest”. It doesn’t say, “asked or inquired” It implies an argumentative, sinful human pushing back and questioning God’s choices. The second is the explanation point. You can clearly see in this text that Moses was pretty ticked off at God and for good reason.

He already doesn’t feel qualified but does what God says and then the people he’s trying to help get punished by Pharaoh because of his actions. If the guilt isn’t enough, the obvious frustration from a ton of Israelites will make anyone go off the deep end.

Life is full of seasons where we can’t see the end game. You know, those times when we listen to God and things go the complete opposite of what we thought because we can’t possibly comprehend God’s reasoning. 

We try to help but only make matters worse and then think, “why the heck is He having me do this when I am so useless??” We question God and His motives. Like Moses we tell Him what He should do. This day in age it would probably include a word document with drawn out instructions full of bullet points.

It’s okay to voice our frustrations without holding anything back. We serve a pretty patient God. We just have to remember that He knows best. If we don’t voice our opinions, we might not get the encouragement we need to get us through. I needed to see this verse and I’m pretty sure God knew that.

I needed to be reminded that I’m not horrible for being real. Most importantly, I needed to be reminded that God knows the end game. It may have some dark turns but hey, if the Israelites can manage 40 years of them then surely I can handle a few as well.

~ Lovelle ❤

P.S. I am booking speaking engagements for 2018. I know right??? It’s here already! If you’d like me to come speak at your event or church click on over here and I’ll prayerfully consider your request.

Prayer Works

PRAYER WORKS

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The Lord is good but we live in a world that isn’t. As a mental health paraprofessional who works with teenagers abused or struggling with addiction I guess you can say, I have seen it all.

I’ve seen young kids taste a little bit of sin and end up deep in an addiction before they even realize what hit them. I’ve seek kids with abuse stores that are mind boggling and hard to even begin to try to wrap your head around.

Sometimes, as I leave work my head doesn’t even feel like it’s mine anymore. It’s full of stories and visuals of those who need the healing hand of Jesus. My clients fill my mind and my heart starts to ache for those affected.

I’ll be the first to say,  I have no idea how to fix the problem. In fact, I can’t fix it. Only God can. Sin and sorrow is Jesus’ specialty. That’s the whole reason He came down to earth and sacrificed Himself for us. It was because He knew we were never too far gone.

It doesn’t matter what we do. It doesn’t matter how unrealistic or bad our situation is. It doesn’t matter what happened to us.

From the outside looking in, it may look like someone we know or truly care about won’t change or even get better but friend, never ever put a period on a sentence that isn’t finished yet.

Always remember; in a world full of hurt prayer works. It may take years or even decades but God is working in the background. I hold close to that promise as I am interceding for every single on of my kiddos through prayer on my way home from work.

I call each of them out by name and cry out for their situation because I know that my eyes can’t see the whole picture. God has got their situation worked out already. I pray for God to show them who He is because I know from the bottom of my heart that if they realize that, He can start changing their circumstance.

In this world full of pain not only in my job, but in the recent events we have gone through as a country I will continue to hold this truth close to my heart. Will you join me? Prayer works folks.

~ Lovelle ❤

God’s Plan For Our Life During Change

Coffee

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“Is that so?” Retorted Pharaoh. “I do not know the Lord, and I will not let Israel go.”
~ Exodus 5: 2 NLT

In this verse I see a stubborn, cocky man who is stuck in his ways. He knew of the Lord but he did not have a relationship with Him. You see, Moses was called out and chosen to save the nation of Israel and right before this extremely sarcastic comment that Pharaoh made, Moses had asked him to free the people so that they can go worship God.

I can just picture it in my head… Pharaoh, a wealthy ruler who could do whatever he wanted with his head high and intimidation blaring as he stood above a Shepard counted as nothing at all in the land of Egypt.

I can see him sneering at Moses, thinking to himself maybe even saying it out loud, “who do you think you are?”.  Pretty awful right?

Here’s the kicker… The way that Pharaoh acted can sometimes come out in me. 

When life is going wrong and things don’t seem to go my way,  I am that girl that is very real with God and will stick up my fist and say, “You shouldn’t be doing this!” 

When my husband doesn’t do something right, this hot headed woman can easily overwhelm the poor man and get all righteous.  It’s not intentional but my sinful nature just comes out sometimes. I can sit here and pretend to be the Moses in this thing we call life but sometimes I am not.

I am the sinner.
I am the cocky, yet insecure little girl that wants to do things my way.
I know the Lord, yet I don’t want to give my situation to Him.

Where does that get me? ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE.

The cool part of this is that even though Pharaoh was stubborn, Moses was persistent and the people did end up going free it just caused a lot of destruction to the land of Egypt in the process. 

In the same way the Lord is persistent with me too. He drags me kicking and screaming, never leaving my side. When I am finally done with my little tantrum of bad choices and mistakes, He is still there and His plan for my life never changed.

As I go through a season of completely unknown I am learning to have grace with myself and I am remembering that even though I can’t see it, The Lord is at work in my life. Friend, I hope you know I am praying this over you too.

What we do doesn’t define how God sees us. In the midst of chaos and change it’s so good to know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8.)

~ Lovelle ❤