Category Archives: Beauty in the Broken

God is in Our Suffering

 

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On August 28, 2017 after 16 hours of labor and an epidural that decided to stop working towards the end, we welcomed our precious little girl Eula Ellen Myers into the world at 9:03pm. She was born exactly 3 years to the day that I got adopted and gained a family. The Lord is so good. Our chunky monkey weighed in at 9 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches tall.

Two days into parenthood our little girl was up all night not feeling well. She cried for hours and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I’ve been through a lot of pain both physically and emotionally. I’ve walked a dark road full of abuse with a pain in my heart that I don’t even know how describe. I have memories in my head that are full of suffering and agony. I thought that I had learned how to handle any pain thrown at me.

As I held my precious baby girl in my arms and rocked her as she cried, my heart hurt in a way I didn’t know was ever possible. With tears streaming down my face, I kissed her chunky cheek and whispered into her ear, “I’m so sorry Eula. I love you so much.” I prayed hard that the Lord would help my little Ellie feel better. I learned in that moment that nothing is more painful than watching your child suffer.

Thankfully, the next morning was better. Ellie’s tummy wasn’t upset and she slept peacefully in my arms. As I watched her beautiful eyes flutter in and out of sleep, I realized something that will forever bring peace to my heart when my past tries to come back and haunt me. The pain I experienced while watching my little girl suffer was the same pain God felt when He watched me suffer growing up.

I looked at my little girls fingers and toes. I gently kissed her little head and thought about the miracle God created inside my womb. She’s a gift I’ve been given and I’m so blessed to be her momma. I thought about all that she’s going to get to do and the amazing family she’s surrounded with.

I thought about what she’s not going to have to experience. She will never go without love and will always be raised to follow the Lord. She has an amazing daddy that she has wrapped around her finger and an adopted family to look up to. Her daddy’s family loves her so much and are such great example’s too. God has given her a new legacy. She will never have to walk the road I walked. There will be so many new experiences we get to do together. Trips to the zoo, family vacations, and maybe we will get to take our first trip to disney land together one day. 

This won’t be the only time I will watch my child suffer. She’s got her own heart, body, and mind that I can guide in the right direction but in the end, she will make her own choices. She will get sick and she will get scrapes. She will fall down hard but I will raise her to get back up and keep trying.

I didn’t realize just how much my pain hurt God until I experienced it myself. Somehow, that realization makes me feel a lot better… When I was going through abuse and hardship I had always told myself that I wasn’t alone but now that I’m a parent, I actually believe it.

~ Lovelle ❤

What My Wedding Meant to Me

On January 3rd, 2015 I experienced my wedding day and it was something I will hold close to my heart forever. You see, I come from a family of mostly shotgun weddings. Abstinence was non-existent and elegance was foreign. So as I looked at myself in the mirror with my white dress, make up, and well-designed hair I just couldn’t seem to look away.

Feel Pretty

Lovelle, do you feel pretty?” my bridesmaid Lindsey asked me.

Yes” I said in amazement. “Yes, I really do.

My wedding symbolized so much more than marrying the man of my dreams. My wedding symbolized the redemption of a horrible past and God’s unfailing love. 

My white dress symbolized purity, a concept that was hard to accept because I was sexually abused. God really showed me the meaning of the verse in 2nd Corinthians 5:17. He says that those who find Christ are a new creation. Their old life is gone. They are made new…

My husband symbolized a broken cycle and true love with a person God chose specifically for me. As both of our families joined together and prayed around a corner (to keep from seeing each other before the wedding) I couldn’t be happier because even before we said “I do” we were able to start our new life off with a focus on God.

Family Prayer

I think one of my favorite memories though was the father daughter dance. It wasn’t even two years ago that I was without parents. I remember being on my knees praying to God. All I wanted was to be loved.

I never thought it was possible, but God answered my prayers by giving me two amazing parents and I can honestly say they are better than even my wildest dreams.

They were worth every bit of abuse.

They were worth the long journey of pain.

They were worth the confusion and every horrible situation I faced.

Father Dance

Its funny to me that the one thing that I thought I would never have in my wedding, God proved to be so. As I took my Dad’s hand and danced to our song I began thanking the Lord for the many gifts He had given me. When the song ended I grabbed my Mom and we all began to cry. We cried because we knew that this wedding wasn’t about us. It was about God, His ability to answer even the craziest of our hearts’ desires, and His ability to redeem.

In the past, I never really understood the significance of a wedding but now I do. It was the best day of my life and it was so full of joy. I want to relive this moment for the rest of my life.

My marriage was a celebration to God for everything that He has done. It was His love that saved me and it was His strength that sustained me. This wedding was proof that everything that was taken from me, God, in his love, redeemed.

~Lovelle ❤