God is in Our Suffering

 

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On August 28, 2017 after 16 hours of labor and an epidural that decided to stop working towards the end, we welcomed our precious little girl Eula Ellen Myers into the world at 9:03pm. She was born exactly 3 years to the day that I got adopted and gained a family. The Lord is so good. Our chunky monkey weighed in at 9 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches tall.

Two days into parenthood our little girl was up all night not feeling well. She cried for hours and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I’ve been through a lot of pain both physically and emotionally. I’ve walked a dark road full of abuse with a pain in my heart that I don’t even know how describe. I have memories in my head that are full of suffering and agony. I thought that I had learned how to handle any pain thrown at me.

As I held my precious baby girl in my arms and rocked her as she cried, my heart hurt in a way I didn’t know was ever possible. With tears streaming down my face, I kissed her chunky cheek and whispered into her ear, “I’m so sorry Eula. I love you so much.” I prayed hard that the Lord would help my little Ellie feel better. I learned in that moment that nothing is more painful than watching your child suffer.

Thankfully, the next morning was better. Ellie’s tummy wasn’t upset and she slept peacefully in my arms. As I watched her beautiful eyes flutter in and out of sleep, I realized something that will forever bring peace to my heart when my past tries to come back and haunt me. The pain I experienced while watching my little girl suffer was the same pain God felt when He watched me suffer growing up.

I looked at my little girls fingers and toes. I gently kissed her little head and thought about the miracle God created inside my womb. She’s a gift I’ve been given and I’m so blessed to be her momma. I thought about all that she’s going to get to do and the amazing family she’s surrounded with.

I thought about what she’s not going to have to experience. She will never go without love and will always be raised to follow the Lord. She has an amazing daddy that she has wrapped around her finger and an adopted family to look up to. Her daddy’s family loves her so much and are such great example’s too. God has given her a new legacy. She will never have to walk the road I walked. There will be so many new experiences we get to do together. Trips to the zoo, family vacations, and maybe we will get to take our first trip to disney land together one day. 

This won’t be the only time I will watch my child suffer. She’s got her own heart, body, and mind that I can guide in the right direction but in the end, she will make her own choices. She will get sick and she will get scrapes. She will fall down hard but I will raise her to get back up and keep trying.

I didn’t realize just how much my pain hurt God until I experienced it myself. Somehow, that realization makes me feel a lot better… When I was going through abuse and hardship I had always told myself that I wasn’t alone but now that I’m a parent, I actually believe it.

~ Lovelle ❤

24 thoughts on “God is in Our Suffering

  1. cluetkehans

    Sweet Momma, God has so beautifully delivered you from your past and crowned you as His princess daughter, sister of Christ and blessed mother of Eula. Much joy in the days to come as you recover from giving birth and fall into your best season of life-giving. You’ve got this!

    Carol Luetkehans Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  2. sharron

    Hi; Congrats on your bundle of joy. Our suffering brings us closer to Christ. I can feel your hurt and pain in your words, but am grateful that in the process HE slowly removes it and replaces with joy unspeakable. Blessings.

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  3. Claire

    Congratulations Lovelle! She is so precious, and you have such a beautiful family. Your mother must be thrilled to be a grandmother! You will be the best mother ever!

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  4. Mary D Hegarty

    Congratulations, Lovelle! Such a beautiful baby….and to think that she was born 3 years to the day you were adopted! God’s timing/planning is always beautiful! The MOST wonderful understanding you received from the Holy Spirit relating how your reaction to little Ellie in her suffering matches the same tender, loving concern that God felt for you during all those years of your suffering. He never left you and continues to heal your heart by these deeper thoughts of understanding He provides. These thoughts are the ‘eraser of sorts’ of the horrible things you endured, now to be replaced by his comfort, peace and happiness at His presence in your life. When that understanding dawned on you, it was a real ‘Ah Ha’ moment you will treasure forever! I wish you, your marvelous husband and dearest baby…..much happiness. Your family’s experience is a blessing to me and, I’m confident, to all who read your column. Keep us posted on things!

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  5. Sylvia Rodriguez

    Congratulations to you, your husband and family! I am blessed to be allowed to share into your world!
    You have a sweet spirit in the Lord!

    Don’t forget your precious dog.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Trudy Den Hoed

    Congratulations, Mama! I am so happy for you all. 🙂 It overwhelms me with awe how God has brought you through to this moment. This encouraging truth touches my heart – “The pain I experienced while watching my little girl suffer was the same pain God felt when He watched me suffer growing up.” Thank you! Blessings and hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Modestly Me

    Dearest Lovelle,

    Your words are absolutely beautiful. I am over-joyed that your sweet baby was born happy and healthy. How blessed she is to have the family she does. Your story gives me so much hope… you are incredibly inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray you and your beautiful family have a blessed day.

    This side of Heaven,
    Summer Rae

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