Learning Through His Faithfulness

Faithfulness

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The more stable I become, the more I miss the days when I had no one but God to rely on. The days when I saw God perform miracles right before my eyes. I remember like it was yesterday, taking the last sixty dollars that I had to my name, putting my hands over my eyes, and quickly putting that money in the tithing bucket before I could change my mind because I trusted in a God that was bigger than my paycheck.

I remember the fuel sign coming on in my car just a few short days later and the panic I felt in my heart because college classes and jobs don’t cater to your gas tank. I remember the loud and passionate prayer I said with a hand held high not caring what people were looking at me as I drove because I believed in a God that answered prayers. A God that taught me not to be afraid of how I appeared in front of others when I sought after Him whole heartedly.

I remember the blanket of peace that covered me in the midst of the unknown after that heart felt prayer on the way to my house. I will never forget the person that handed me a $50 gift card to a gas station when I arrived, “just because” and the shock on their face when I explained that moments before my gas tank was on empty. They felt led to give me that gift card but they had no idea how much I really needed it.

Like a parent the Lord provided for me. Often times, literally handing me what I lacked. Using His people to impact me and show me that He heard my cries. The days of intense struggle are behind me and although I’m thankful, I find myself putting God in box. Like a “Pick 2 meal” at my favorite restaurant, I find myself choosing the paths that look best at the time and saying a quick prayer of thanks later.

I miss the Lovelle that consulted God before doing anything. The girl that felt so small in the big ol’ world she lived in but knew the fire in her heart for her beloved Father defined her. The girl that chose joy in the midst of some of the worst situations because she knew that joy was a gift from the Lord that and it’s here to help us get through tough circumstances. I was once a girl that took every curve ball life had thrown at me with ease because I had the armor of God latched on tight and I believed in the power of it.

Like a dandelion in a field full of luscious flowers whose petals have been blown away by a brisk wind, so has the fire for the lover of my soul. Replaced by a different kind of knowing. A knowing that doesn’t require so much work. Luckily, I serve a God who sees the best in me. Not for what I lack, but for what I can be. He doesn’t let me settle for a life absorbed in my own selfish security. Slowly, I’ve seen Him transform my heart and give some of it back.

He shows me through situations that force me to depend on him (even when I sometimes walk into those situations kicking and screaming). I feel it in the little kicks from the miracle inside my womb. I see it through the tears of joy that come from my adopted mom who’s been given the experience birth when she didn’t think God had those plans in her life.

I feel the seeds of the Holy Spirit spouting up  in my heart like flowers in spring time. I find God in the daily lessons where He ever so softly touches my heart and reminds me of what really matters. Taking my life in His hands, as if it were clay, and molding it the way He wants.

Breaking habits, I shouldn’t have and changing my thoughts so that they reflect Him. I see Him change my heart daily so that He can use me the way He sees fit even if I don’t feel so usable. Slowly but surely, I’m feeling like my old self again…

 I’m thankful I serve a God who doesn’t settle for a relationship that goes one way. He teaches me His ways and reminds me to rely on His faithfulness alone so that my heart is no longer divided between this world and who He is.

~ Lovelle ❤

3 thoughts on “Learning Through His Faithfulness

  1. Modestly Me

    Dearest Lovelle,

    Everytime I read one of your posts I am blown away. Not only because are there so many similarities between your story and mine; I am continuously blown away by the encouragement, hope and inspiration that your posts bring to my day. God knows exactly what we need to hear… and some days that comes from a stranger in the form of a blog post. Thank you for the gentle reminder to put all of my faith continuously in Him. My heart is happy for you and your growing family – Numbers 6: 24-26.

    This side of Heaven,
    Summer Rae

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  2. Marta Altheide

    So TRUE!!!
    God is faithful, and merciful. Always on time, never late.
    Thank you for all your posts! It is so encouraging to know how good is our Father.
    Marta Altheide

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  3. Tuesday Dube

    Beautiful. Exactly how I’ve been feeling. I used to cry out my heart to the Lord, and He heard me. He blessed me and gave me things I never would have known to ask for. But now, I’m not reaching for His hand to hold as often. I’m rushing of to live in the blessings He gave me, and throwing up prayers of thanks on the go. I miss Him. I miss when He was the first and last person I thought of and spoke to each day. But I know He is there, waiting patiently for me to come spend time with Him. Waiting for me to seek His purpose for me over my own.

    I’m happy for you Lovelle. Congratulations💕

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