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I was in the middle of a very intense conversation with God. When I say intense I mean I pointed my finger up to heaven and said some pretty mean words. To sum up my 30 minute rant, I pretty much got on to God because I felt like He wasn’t doing anything.

It’s horrible, I know but hey, He knew what I was thinking anyway so why not shout about it as I was attempting clean my house. My house is a spot on reflection of my life, it’s a hot mess.

I was sick of waiting. I was sick of confusion and I wanted answers. Like a teenager who thinks she knows everything, I was trying to tell God what I needed even though God already knows me better than I know myself.

I was impatient and rude. The funny thing about wilderness moments is that they put us in a situation where we are forced to depend on God in a way we haven’t previously.

I may have complained but I know God was glad that I wasn’t trying to do things on my own. I may be somewhat of a control freak but I am not one to give up on God’s promises. I have seen God perform so many miracles in my life.

I’ve seen Him provide a home on two different occasions when I was homeless and I’ve seen Him provide finances when I didn’t have anything. I will wait for God to do His work and I will follow His lead, even if that means I have to have some very real conversations with Him.

After my crying session where I literally cried all the makeup off my face I was okay and you know what? God was gracious and patient with me because that’s the kind of God we serve.

Like a parent, He takes us kicking and screaming into some hard situations. He understands our confusion and is there guiding us the whole time, even if we don’t feel or see Him. 

Are you going through growing pains? Are you being molded by God in a way that kind of hurts? Do you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs?

Can I just take a second to say that God’s got this? He doesn’t waste anything and I promise you, it’s going to be okay. When it comes down to it, we find our joy in God. He knows just what we need.

~ Lovelle ❤