What is a mother? Until recently I had no idea. From what I had seen, a mother lets her daughter be sexually abused and forces her to keep quiet. Mothers are there to verbally and physically assault you.
Life had shown me that a mother takes joy in knocking her child down time and time again. Mothers use and taunt you. A mother’s actions cause you to be fearful and broken.
Their choices scare you out of someday having children because of the fear your heart holds that you will one day turn out exactly like the person who gave birth to you. Although my heart knew that a mother like that wasn’t a true mother at all, life experiences had taught me otherwise. I guess that’s why I remained pretty ignorant.
Having a wonderful grandma helped a lot but it’s not the same as having a mom. My grandma can lead me spiritually and encourage me but since we lived a few hours away, it made it hard. I saw my friends’ parents at their track meets and tournaments cheering them on with such pride and joy.
Hearing parents say, “I’m so proud of you” feels good but when it’s only heard while being said to other people, it’s heart breaking.
I didn’t ask to be born to the family that I was given. Out of all of the family I had God gave me one amazing woman to encourage me. That woman was my grandma. Although her encouragement meant so much it still didn’t feel like enough.
It wasn’t the same as the encouragement from parents… As hard as I tried to ignore it, my desire to be loved by two Godly parents didn’t go away. Little did I know that God would turn my world upside down by introducing me to two wonderful people named Holley and Mark Gerth…
I remember the first time I found out that God gave me Holley. It was my 21st birthday and I was speaking to the Boys and Girls Club after-school program. Holley had taken time out of her busy schedule to watch me speak to the children. A
t first I was a little taken aback when she asked if she could come watch. I had done things like that before but when I did, no one came. I just did it myself.
After my speech Holley came up to me and told me something I had waited for years to hear. “Do you remember when I told you God said he would give me a 20 year old daughter?”, she asked. “Yes”, I replied. “Well, as I was praying the other day, it hit me. It’s you.”
Those words left me speechless. All I had ever wanted were parents. I wanted to feel special and loved. I desired so badly to be cherished and to feel like I actually mattered to someone.
My parents had shown me that I wasn’t and now after years of holding that desire close to my heart God had finally given it to me. I was so thankful that God had answered my prayer but there was a question that I couldn’t wrap my head around. A question that really ached in my heart despite my attempts to make it go away…
Why now? Why at the age of 21 was I finally getting parents? Why couldn’t I have them when I was bouncing between 12 different houses in 2 years time?
Where were my parents when I was crying myself to sleep in fear that one day my abusers would some day come back to hurt me some more. Did I not deserve to have parents cheering me on through my speech and debate tournaments?
Why was I forced to work full time to support myself when I could have had parents to support me in college? I felt bad for these feelings and thoughts that were haunting my heart but I just couldn’t understand why I had to go through so much before receiving the one thing that would have made all of those things non existent
Proverbs says that a thankful heart is good medicine. Although I don’t understand why things had to happen the way they did, I am going to thank God for answering that desire even though I didn’t think I would ever have it answered.
Holley and Mark are a reminder to hold onto God’s promises because we serve a God that says “yes” even when life circumstances tell us no.
As you celebrate this Mother’s Day I encourage you to cherish your children. They need you. It’s the simple things in life that mean so much to your children like saying, “I’m proud of you,” and cheering them on at their school events.
It’s the hug and kiss good bye that will stay in their hearts for the rest of their lives. It’s the unspoken prayers and the guidance that shows love and concern. You can never get those moments back so take advantage of every single opportunity.
Those moments, although simple, are so extremely important. As Holley, Mark, and I start our lives as a family we will cherish moments just like that because those are the things that shape a family. Those are the things that create bonds that can never be broken. Happy Mothers Day.
Daughter of My Heart, this post makes me all teary-eyed in the best possible way. I love you and I’m so glad God brought us together!
God is good… 🙂
Me too Holley! The prayers of a righteous man availeth much! (James 5:16) Rejoicing with the three of you & praying God’s promise over you “And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) ♥♥♥
What a beautiful post…such heartache, yet such beauty and redemption. God IS good and He is going to do some amazing things with you girl! I can’t wait to watch as it all unfolds!!
Thank you! I really hope so. Your kind words mean so much!
This is such a beautiful reminder that God always has a GOOD plan. 🙂 I wish I could leap through computer screens and give you a giant hug. So thrilled for the three of you…blessings!
My heart aches for the pain you have experienced & at the same time, my heart rejoices in the JOY are you experiencing. Friend, the one thing to me that speaks the loudest in your life is your testimony! Your decision to choose Christ over your pain. Love over anger. Forgiveness over bitterness. Joy over sadness. Your life testimony is absolutely beautiful! I am rejoicing with you this Mother’s Day & praising God for answered prayers! While we may not ever fully understand His timing… It’s always perfect! (A lesson I’m learning myself as I wait for a child) Love to you beautiful one! ♥
What a great Mom God picked out for you! I have only met her once but she is a incredibly special lady, with a very unique gift in sharing her encouragement with others through God-given gifts. I know she is overjoyed that she has found you, the one her heart longed for…finally, a day to celebrate Mother’s Day for both you and Holley. Bet Mark is looking forward to Father’s Day 🙂
Oh beautiful Lovelle…I am so sorry for your suffering. And so thankful for your grandma. (I had an awesome grandma too!) God is an amazing redeemer…and we are blessed to see His redemption at work in your life and in the lives of the extraordinary family you now have with Holley and Mark. They are two people who have so much love to give…and I know they are willing to give it to you. I am proud of you though I don’t even know you (yet). You have a gift of words…and faith and are a reminder to me to be thankful in all things! Love, prayers, and blessings to you!
Wow, wow, wow! What an amazing story Lovelle of faith and redemption! We’re not always born into the right family (trust me I know that first hand), but God does promise that He will never leave us as orphans. As much as I had a loving family, I was molested by an uncle who abused me in my young years. I couldn’t tell my parents because as a young girl it would have been terrible to indicate to your family that you were bad and who would believe you. After all I was only 8 years old… I kept the deep dark secret for years and worse was the fact that this man called himself a Christian. I was confused, hurt and hated myself for all my adolescent years and carried this guilt and shame with me. It wasn’t until I got married that I felt the safest with my husband who protected me and understood what I had gone through. God brought me to a place of forgiveness but it was years after that with all the shame my body started to physically break down. Long story short, I’ve been on a spiritual, healing journey these past few years and only by the grace of God and His promises do I know first hand how faithful God is. He never left me, He was there all those times I hurt, I cried alone and when no one else was there for me. I am so happy that you can share your story with us and know that you are making such an impact because of what you went through and how God has carried you through. What an awesome God we serve! I can only imagine the joy that exudes in your heart as a result of having two great people now in your life that you can truly cherish for the rest of your life. I look forward to hearing and seeing so much more of your beautiful family and to see how God has used this incredible journey for you to share with us. Thanking God for His wonderful unconditional love. Blessings always!
Oh Lovelle! I cry big every time I am reminded of your story. It is so beautiful. So redeeming. You are such a gift.
Congratulations to you Lovelle for having Mark and Holley! I know for sure they will love you so much. Keep trusting and loving God like like your now-parents because HE will bring you to places where you’ve never been. God was there 24 hrs when you were abused and when u felt helpless. And HE is preparing you for something great! God bless and a sister of yours here in Australia loves you. Just keep on keepin on!
Lovelle, I am so sorry that your life’s journey has included so much pain and abuse. No one should ever have to endure that, but it is clear that you have emerged as a wise, beautiful, and loving young woman. You will bless many lives! I pray for Jesus’s gentle healing touch as you wrestle with questions from your journey, and I am rejoicing with you for the joy that you, Holley, and Mark are bringing to each other as you begin your lives as a family.
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Thank you all for the support. It is truly a blessing to know that so many people around the world are praying for me and my future. Every trial is a testimony and I pray that God will use this for his glory. There are so many broken hearts out there and it takes one broken heart that was mended by Jesus to help heal more. God is good. 🙂
Lovelle, your post is beautiful! God has perfect timing, even when we are convinced otherwise, and having your path cross with Holley at just the time that it did, is the miracle from God. Savor His blessings and help other young ladies believe in God’s timing for them. Your mom’s path and mine crossed when I found the perfect Christmas tree ornament to remember my daughter that is already in heaven. She had designed it – ask her about it. Have a blessed day with your mom today!
Oh, Lovelle! I love Holley, and ever since she first told us about you, I’ve loved you too! YOU are a daughter after your momma’s heart . . gifted with words that inspire, challenge, heal and encourage all at once. I’m a momma to 5 boys, 1 girl, 2 daughters and 1 son-in-love, and one granddaughter. Today I will look into their eyes and cherish them even more because of your words! Thank you.
Lovelle, this is so touching. I’m so sorry for all the pain you went through. It’s so, so sad. But what grace Jesus has and is showing you. It just awes me how God brought you and Holley and Mark together to be a family. Praying your life will be filled with the joys of love and laughter.
“God restores the years the locusts have eaten.”
Blessings to all three of you, from another adoptive mom of two.
Wonderful! So well said! Holley may not have given birth to you, but God gave you her writing gene! 🙂
My heart was sad yet joyful for you, Holly & Mark. Three cords together being bound with His love standing together is an image of His everlasting love tht is powerful for any family!
To know all three of you have been given the desire of your heart – what a beautiful story and testament of God’s faithfulness.
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I have followed Hollie’s blog and journey and am rejoicing in his amazing ways and faithfulness to you Lovelle! I too am an adoptee, and have had an adoption ministry for adult adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents for many years. I would love to share your testimony on my blog Adoptees Anchored in Christ. http://email@example.com. I know your story would touch alot of adoptees, orphaned and fostered adults giving them hope and trust in our Forever Father!
Thank you Jody! God has really blessed me! You can share my story if you want. 🙂
Dear Lovelle, thank you so much for sharing this…my heart is broken, as a mom to 4 little ones (6yrs through 4 months) I was just reading your first lines thinking..what?!..I couldn’t believe what I read, I couldnt believe that a child had experienced this from her Mom. A Mom is supposed to be a Stronghold of Love and Protection for her little one. And while reading I felt so guilty for all the times I didn’t encourage my kids but rather nagged or exasperated them…. Thank you for reminding me about what’s important in life. Love, not perfection. Thank you for sharing your story that my heart can burn brighter (in prayer and action) for children, and anyone who has/had a bad experience with a parent. And thanks so much for showing me such beautiful restoration…how encouraging that God gave you a Mom at this age….when maybe all hope seemed lost. Im so happy for you.
Love to you, and I hope it doesn’t sound out of place or offensive, but I’m just so, so sorry that you went through those things and had that experience with a mom. God’s love for you is Tremendous. Is. 49:15
Love from Holland,
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Thank you for your encouragement Jasmine! It means the world!
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