What is a mother? Until recently I had no idea. From what I had seen, a mother lets her daughter be sexually abused and forces her to keep quiet. Mothers are there to verbally and physically assault you.
Life had shown me that a mother takes joy in knocking her child down time and time again. Mothers use and taunt you. A mother’s actions cause you to be fearful and broken.
Their choices scare you out of someday having children because of the fear your heart holds that you will one day turn out exactly like the person who gave birth to you. Although my heart knew that a mother like that wasn’t a true mother at all, life experiences had taught me otherwise. I guess that’s why I remained pretty ignorant.
Having a wonderful grandma helped a lot but it’s not the same as having a mom. My grandma can lead me spiritually and encourage me but since we lived a few hours away, it made it hard. I saw my friends’ parents at their track meets and tournaments cheering them on with such pride and joy.
Hearing parents say, “I’m so proud of you” feels good but when it’s only heard while being said to other people, it’s heart breaking.
I didn’t ask to be born to the family that I was given. Out of all of the family I had God gave me one amazing woman to encourage me. That woman was my grandma. Although her encouragement meant so much it still didn’t feel like enough.
It wasn’t the same as the encouragement from parents… As hard as I tried to ignore it, my desire to be loved by two Godly parents didn’t go away. Little did I know that God would turn my world upside down by introducing me to two wonderful people named Holley and Mark Gerth…
I remember the first time I found out that God gave me Holley. It was my 21st birthday and I was speaking to the Boys and Girls Club after-school program. Holley had taken time out of her busy schedule to watch me speak to the children. A
t first I was a little taken aback when she asked if she could come watch. I had done things like that before but when I did, no one came. I just did it myself.
After my speech Holley came up to me and told me something I had waited for years to hear. “Do you remember when I told you God said he would give me a 20 year old daughter?”, she asked. “Yes”, I replied. “Well, as I was praying the other day, it hit me. It’s you.”
Those words left me speechless. All I had ever wanted were parents. I wanted to feel special and loved. I desired so badly to be cherished and to feel like I actually mattered to someone.
My parents had shown me that I wasn’t and now after years of holding that desire close to my heart God had finally given it to me. I was so thankful that God had answered my prayer but there was a question that I couldn’t wrap my head around. A question that really ached in my heart despite my attempts to make it go away…
Why now? Why at the age of 21 was I finally getting parents? Why couldn’t I have them when I was bouncing between 12 different houses in 2 years time?
Where were my parents when I was crying myself to sleep in fear that one day my abusers would some day come back to hurt me some more. Did I not deserve to have parents cheering me on through my speech and debate tournaments?
Why was I forced to work full time to support myself when I could have had parents to support me in college? I felt bad for these feelings and thoughts that were haunting my heart but I just couldn’t understand why I had to go through so much before receiving the one thing that would have made all of those things non existent
Proverbs says that a thankful heart is good medicine. Although I don’t understand why things had to happen the way they did, I am going to thank God for answering that desire even though I didn’t think I would ever have it answered.
Holley and Mark are a reminder to hold onto God’s promises because we serve a God that says “yes” even when life circumstances tell us no.
As you celebrate this Mother’s Day I encourage you to cherish your children. They need you. It’s the simple things in life that mean so much to your children like saying, “I’m proud of you,” and cheering them on at their school events.
It’s the hug and kiss good bye that will stay in their hearts for the rest of their lives. It’s the unspoken prayers and the guidance that shows love and concern. You can never get those moments back so take advantage of every single opportunity.
Those moments, although simple, are so extremely important. As Holley, Mark, and I start our lives as a family we will cherish moments just like that because those are the things that shape a family. Those are the things that create bonds that can never be broken. Happy Mothers Day.