Have you ever felt like your just not good enough? Like no matter what you do, it always ends up being failure?
For those of you who don’t know me, name is Lovelle and I am my biggest critic. I find myself constantly writing mental lists of what improvements I need to make. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a bad thing… Until the list get’s so long that you become overwhelmed and every time you screw up you beat yourself up about it. It’s so easy to hold that list of improvements so close to your heart that it consumes you. It’s all you can think about. Your mind frame becomes “I have this list. I know what I am supposed to do and since I am aware there is no excuse for not following through.” All is fine and dandy until you mess up. Once that happens it all goes down hill. You begin criticizing yourself about how you should have known better.This my friends is the start of a vicious cycle the devil likes to put us through. This cycle is called guilt. Once this cycle starts it can easily get out of control unless we lean on God.
Guilty feelings are those constant thoughts that weigh you down and make you feel like you are not good enough. Guilt makes you feel horrible about yourself and these feelings hold you back. Guilt doesn’t show you how to improve, it just clings to your mistakes and because of that it makes it impossible to get past your mistakes. God doesn’t speak to us through guilt, he speaks to us through conviction.
Conviction is that feeling in your gut that you get and it makes you feel like you are not doing the right thing. It’s that thought in your head that comes when you are saying or thinking of something that isn’t what God would want. The thought says “that wasn’t right.” Conviction doesn’t weigh you down and make you feel unworthy. Conviction helps you turn from your ways by correcting you with love. Conviction speaks correction through truth and encouragement with Gods word. Conviction helps you keep going and it reminds you that we all fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). It reminds us that even though we fall short, every day we have an opportunity to be better.
The fact is, God WILL correct you, but once you have asked forgiveness your mistake is gone. He doesn’t want us to sit and feel guilty about it. He wants us to learn from it. I had forgotten that until the other night. The list of mess ups had gotten so huge and when I got into an argument with someone I really cared about I broke. I remember walking outside to go for a run because running always makes me feel better. As I walked out with a saddened heart a thought popped in my head that said, “Why am I even here? I’m not doing any better. I just keep screwing up.” Then I heard Gods voice so soft and gentle say to my soul, “but you are. The last time you got into an argument you yelled at them. This time you walked away and took your space.” It was so simple but it truly meant so much. As I began to run God began speaking to my heart. I realized that I had been putting a lot of emphasis on the improvements that I thought were needed and because of that, I had forgotten all of the improvements that I had made. God had been showing them to me but I was preoccupied with my own opinion. It was then that I realized that I needed to get rid of my list. Instead of making my own lists I needed to let God make the lists for me. He will show me by loving Conviction not guilt caused by my mistakes. Apart from him I am nothing and when I try to take my life and mold it into my image the end result will be guilt because of my failure.
As I ended my run I promised God that I would not let the guilt that had been weighing me down cause me to run away from the purpose he has for me. Instead, I promised to run as fast as I could towards him. In that moment I realized that as long as I was running towards him, the purpose he had for me would prevail. As I continue running towards him I know that he will change me into the woman I am designed to be and he will use me. God knows my heart therefore he knows my intentions were good. My ultimate desire is to please him and I will make all the necessary changes needed to do so but when I take control by trying to change myself without consulting God then he can’t do his work in me. If you, like me, are your biggest critic then I encourage you to look to God and ask him to change you because he will. As you change I also encourage you to keep this verse in your heart:
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that was revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Don’t let the guilt and mistakes the devil likes to overwelm you with make you feel separated from God. Run as fast as you can towards him because his arms are open wide and he leaves this promise: Nothing can separate you from my love. The best is yet to come.